Angela.Rae

im hurting. and im confused.

with noone to help.

i need to find friends.

Im not really sure how to even handle this. It hurts more when we discuss something and it’s handled and then the next day it’s as if we never talked about it. This 0 to 10 attitude is the HARDEST thing to try and deal with. I don’t want to fuel it more, but what else can I do. Of course i’m going to be upset and get defensive when you throw stuff in my face…how else am I supposed to handle it? Just sit there and not stand up for myself and my feelings. You really have no idea how deep your words cut sometimes. The one thing that I am in shock over is how I can be pouring my heart out and it goes in one ear and right out the other.

I trust you so much. I don’t know how many more times I have to say it, but quite frankly im tired of re-reminding you everyday. If you don’t want to believe me then that’s on you. I can only do so much until I just hit rock bottom and have NOTHING to say or do. I feel completely numb to this situation.

You want to hangout with this girl who you’ve known for 3 years. FINE. If my feelings to it are going to be irrelevant then when even ask me..Just inform me that’s what you are doing. Because in the end it’s not going to matter anyways. At the end of the day in your mind you are winning because you put your foot down and are doing exactly what you want.

I just wish you would realize how great you have it. I can’t even begin to think of all I’ve gotten for you, and all the surprises i’ve gotten you when you’ve had a bad day. The surprise visits to work to cheer you up. Even doing things that make me uncomfortable but it made you happy. I even push you to go have a guys night. I am by no means a controlling girlfriend. But in your eyes I am…. WHY???

I let you do what you want, I let you text who you want. I never go sneaking through your things. What more can I do?? I get weirded out that you are hanging out after you get off work at 2am to hangout with your best friends ex gf that you have MADE OUT with MULTIPLE times..but I should be 100% okay with that??? Clearly the world you live in is okay with that, but it’s not okay in my world.

It’s sad that when I voice my opinions or concerns that it turns into I don’t trust you, or that Im controlling your friendships. NO. I HAVE FEELINGS TOO. And if they are hurt then you will be aware of it.

i really dont know what im supposed to do…. but im not trying to lose this relationship or the guy im madly in love with.